


If Wishes Were Horses

by Callisto_HK



Category: NCIS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Supernatural Elements, What-If, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-14 12:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8013952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callisto_HK/pseuds/Callisto_HK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you had the chance to have just one of your wishes come true, what would you wish for? And what if you weren't to know the thing you're asking for at the moment is the one wish that's going to be granted? Would you be more careful? Tony wouldn't! But Gibbs... He's not so sure. He's in a messy predicament. / Rated T for language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I think the SF has broken me! I'm writing AU, I'm thinking AU and I've got ideas for even more AUs! And not just any AU; this one for example has got supernatural elements! But give it a shot! It's not that paranormal, really; just one teeny tiny element, which considering the title and the summary, shouldn't be too hard to guess.
> 
> And again, the effect of the SF and the whole 13th season shows on the Gibbs I've created in this chapter! (And just this chapter and the first part of it!) Just a heads-up!
> 
> This is not a long story and doesn't contain any spoilers, I think, but it's WIP, so I won't be be able to post chapters as frequently as I did with my other stories here. And don't let the ending of the first chapter scare you.
> 
> Also, this is not a suicide fic!

He grimaced as he tried to move and felt a dull pain running down his spine, a pain caused by spending hours in a wrong position; that pain was soon forgotten, though when the nausea and a terrible headache were registered and he absently congratulated himself for making it to the bathroom before throwing up.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a terrible hangover. After he'd lost his girls, he'd started to drink so much that now getting him truly drunk would sound pretty impossible to those who knew him. But well, apparently he still could get to that point with the right amount of alcohol and the right incentive, of course. And well, last night it'd been the anniversary of his girls and what better incentive to get drunk than that.

Little by little as he started to get more alert and the ability of thinking came back to him, he began to remember the events of the previous night and what struck him was DiNozzo's visit.

"Dammit." He growled as he remembered everything.

Clearly Tony had somehow known about the date and had come around to make sure he was alright. Too bad he had already been on his way to be completely wasted, with the filter between his brain and his mouth already gone and the bastardness turned on and running full force. He'd wanted to lash out at someone; at the person who'd taken his precious girls from him; but that person wasn't around; he was dead; he'd made sure of it; so what other option did he have but to lash out at the only one who was there? Namely his SFA! But what the hell, why had he said such awful things; where had they even come from?

And just why in the hell could he remember things so clearly? It wasn't normal; people never remembered things they did while drunk!

He remembered shouting at the younger man; calling him worthless and unwanted; he could remember telling him that it wasn't fair that the younger man could get to live when no one really wanted him and he had to lose his precious little daughter; he'd asked why someone like Tony who no one would notice if he vanished one day had the chance to live when his beautiful, lovely little girl had to die, when so many people were devastated by her death and nobody cared if Tony hadn't lived to become an adult! And he'd ranted and shouted and spat the most awful things that he could think of in that state of mind and he hadn't even noticed when Tony left.

He vaguely remembered the younger man apologizing and admitting that he'd asked himself the same question multiple times and that he really would trade his place with Gibbs' daughter if he had the chance and wasn't that just frigging amazing? He'd been the ass and Tony had been the one apologizing and for what? Being alive?

Goddammit! He cared about Tony; he cared about him like he was family and yet, in his grief, not only had he ruined everything that could imply that, he'd made sure what little self-confidence and self-respect Tony had were destroyed; he'd joined Tony's father in wishing him dead in someone else's place; he'd very clearly told him that his life was worth less that his girl! What the hell was wrong with him?

He had never thought he could be so disgusted with himself for something that he'd said or done; but now, now he knew he could never forgive himself for the way he'd treated the younger man; the man who'd been always so loyal and so caring.

Grabbing his keys; he jumped into his car and rushed towards DiNozzo's house; headache and hangover be damned.

He couldn't even come up with an excuse to soothe his SFA; to let him know he hadn't meant a word he'd said and that the younger man was one of the few people in his life that he cared about the most. He never really showed it, especially not in front of Tony, but even the idea of Tony being hurt scared him. How could he wish him dead? So, of course he hadn't meant those terrible words; still, for him to utter those shitty things was unforgivable.

Parking his car in front of Tony's building, he took a deep breath to collect himself and his thoughts and left the car; if there was any occasion that required him hitting his knees and asking for someone's forgiveness, it'd probably be this one; but sadly, he knew that wouldn't solve anything; it wasn't like the younger man was mad at him; heck, he'd clearly believed that Gibbs had been right and that his words were justified; what he needed to do was to prove he cared, but first, he had to change his way and start it with an apology.

The door to Tony's apartment was slightly ajar, so he quietly walked in and hoped against hope that he wouldn't find Tony drunk and broken. He didn't think he could take it if he saw him in that state, knowing he'd put him there.

The place looked empty, though; there were no signs of the other agent in the apartment, but the badge and weapon belonging to DiNozzo were in their designated place; so he couldn't have gone out. Then why was the apartment empty? And why was the door not shut and locked?

Walking to the bathroom, Gibbs called out. "Tony? You in there?"

The bathroom door was shut and after a second of hesitation, the Lead Agent grabbed the handle and turned it. The door opened easily but the sight that greeted him literally brought Gibbs to his knees right where he was standing, in the doorway.

He hadn't even noticed when he'd ended up on the ground; all he knew was that he was staring at one of his worst nightmares after losing his girls and he knew beyond any doubts that this time if he wanted to kill the culprit, he had to eat his own gun.

There wasn't any blood on the clean bathroom floor; there wasn't an empty bottle of pills either; Tony wasn't even lying down on the floor and the bathroom seemed as neat as ever. The only difference, the thing that'd add to Gibbs' nightmares if he didn't finish his life, would be the younger man sitting there, back against the well, head leaning back and eyes open, glazed over and staring at nothing. Gibbs didn't need to check for a pulse to recognize a dead body. Tony's chest wasn't moving, his face was colorless and there was no life in those green orbs. Tony was long gone.

This was all his fault; his words must've pushed Tony over the edge and he'd probably ended his life with some pills or something.

He was still on his knees, looking pale and lost when a voice startled him.

"Mesmerizing, isn't it?"

Jumping to his feet, Gibbs took a couple of steps back, ending up inside the bathroom; unconsciously, he was hovering over Tony's body, like he was trying to protect him. His head was telling him that it didn't matter anymore; that it was too late already; but his heart couldn't accept it and he still needed to protect the younger man who was like a younger brother to him; like a son.

The man standing there looked strange, with an air of confidence, superiority and mystery about him. He wasn't big or muscular per se, but it was clear that nobody could ever think of him as anything but a strong personality. Even Gibbs who could always jump into fighting mode, without a second to spare, couldn't move his hand to reach for his gun this time. For all he knew, this man could be responsible for his agent's death and he knew he should arrest him and somehow arrange for his friend's body to be taken to the autopsy and receive Ducky's careful attention. They needed to find out the cause of death and then... God, Tony was dead. Once again, his knees buckled and this time he found himself on the ground, next to his friend's dead body, pulling him close to his chest.

"He did it for you." The man stated calmly; like he was talking about the plot of a movie.

Gibbs' head snapped up; he'd forgotten he wasn't alone.

Leaning his shoulder against the door frame, the guy read the sea of emotions and different feelings in the other man's eyes. Shrugging nonchalantly, he continued, "He was desperate and so were you. For hours he was sitting there wishing he could trade his place with your daughter. We decided to grant his wish."

"Whu-" Gibbs tried to speak, but the hoarse sound that left his mouth didn't feel like it belonged to him.

"What? He was desperate." The man sounded indignant. "And we've heard you, too. We heard how you wished him dead instead of your daughter."

"No." Gibbs shook his head vigorously. "It's... No. I didn't... And it's impossible!"

"Of course it's not." The guy rolled his eyes. "But we did make sure it really was what he wanted. Make no mistakes, we're always thorough."

"Who the hell are you?" Gibbs shouted all his anger and despair.

"Language!" He warned. "Name's Kabshiel!" When Gibbs' puzzled look didn't change, the man rolled his eyes. " _Nobody_ knows me. It's not fair." Sighing he said, "Angel of favor?"

Gibbs still looked at him with shock.

"Whatever." The man sounded annoyed. "He prayed and I came; I asked if he was sure; he said yes. I told him he'd die like he's never grown old. He said he knew and that he didn't care. I took his life and gave it to your daughter. End of story."

Gibbs' eyes flashed with fury. He was finally coming back to himself. "I don't give a shit what you've been using; you're under arrest for-" Before he could finish his sentence the man vanished before his eyes and now, with a lax jaw, Gibbs was sure he was the one under the influence of some sort of drugs. Maybe this was the shock of losing Tony causing him to think he was seeing things. Maybe it was the guilt; or maybe this whole thing was just a nightmare! Jeez! He hoped so. But before he could shake himself awake, the guy reappeared with a smirk on his face. "Forgot to take him. Sorry."

Hearing those words, Gibbs clutched Tony's lifeless body to himself and tried to hide him from this stranger.

"Man! I'm an angel of the Lord; I just shook the universe by doing you and this guy a favor and trading lives, something, that I might add, we're strongly forbidden to do; you really think I can't take him from your arms."

"Don't. Stay away." Gibbs was unable to understand a word he was hearing; all he cared about was that he'd lost Tony; he wasn't about to the let some stupid SOB take his body away, too.

Kabshiel sighed and maybe for the first time since Gibbs had seen him, he looked dead serious. "Gibbs. I can call you Gibbs, right? Good;" He said not waiting for an answer, "Your wish has come true because of this man; what else do you want? You wanted your daughter back. She's back. Just remember, it's not the same little girl you lost so many years ago. Like I said, I shook the universe; many things changed because of my doing; your girl's grown up now and soon you'll realize that things happen for a reason."

Not a moment later, he snapped his fingers and then he was gone; along with Tony's body.

**.**

**.**

**TBC ...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just remember, the categories of the story are selected knowingly and there's a reason I've given no specific warnings.


	2. Chapter 2

_Kabshiel sighed and maybe for the first time since Gibbs had seen him, he looked dead serious. "Gibbs. I can call you Gibbs, right? Good;" He said not waiting for an answer, "Your wish has come true because of this man; what else do you want? You wanted your daughter back. She's back. Just remember, it's not the same little girl you lost so many years ago. Like I said, I shook the universe; many things changed because of my doing; your girl's grown up now and soon you'll realize that things happen for a reason."_

_Not a moment later, he snapped his fingers and then he was gone; along with Tony's body._

* * *

 

The sudden emptiness between his arms caused Gibbs to lose his balance and fall forward. With horror and shock, he jumped to his feet; looking around frantically, he tried to find Tony and the man who was talking to him.

 _Where... Where was Tony?_ This was a dream; a nightmare; he was now absolutely sure of it. The only problem was that he couldn't wake up from it; he was stuck in it and it was scaring the hell out of him and he couldn't deny that nightmare or not, he was feeling the void that Tony's loss had left in his chest and it was suffocating him.

Staggering outside the bathroom, he was even more shocked to find the living room changed from the time he'd walked into the apartment minutes earlier; now the place was pretty unfurnished and so very untidy.

In the living room, take-out boxes were littering the floor, the sole table and even the sofa, on which a dubious looking guy was sleeping with his mouth open, snoring loudly. The man had multiple rings attached to his nose and his left eyebrow; he was wearing some sort of makeup and had tattoos all over his body that wasn't covered with a piece of clothing.

 _Just what the hell?_ If this was a nightmare, then why would Gibbs imagination supply him with a picture like that in Tony's apartment? Because he had no doubt that it was the same place; it was just the decoration that was different and-

"What the hell are you doing here?" A feminine, angry voice came from behind him and he turned around to find a blond girl, with the same kind of rings and tattoos as the guy on the couch, standing behind him.

His breath caught in his throat when he realized who he was looking at; the girl might be angry as hell and she might look completely like a punk, but there was no way Gibbs wouldn't recognize his girl; his lovely sweet innocent Kelly. Well, she didn't exactly look sweet and innocent at that moment, but still...

"Kelly?" He whispered hoarsely as tears stung the corner of his eyes.

Wrinkling her nose with disgust, she growled. "Didn't I tell you not to come to my place again?"

"Kells-"

"Fuck off." She shouted, sounding truly pissed off at hearing the nickname; and the shout sent Gibbs into a shocked silence.

No! This couldn't be his sweet little girl. His girl wouldn't use such a foul language and she wouldn't act like that.

"What's happened to you?" He asked quietly.

A look of hurt and annoyance washed over her beautiful face; _despite all those rings and the makeup, in Gibbs' eyes, she still was the most beautiful girl in the whole world._ "Again with this?!" She growled. " _You_ happened, you bastard!"

Gasping, Gibbs blinked. _Why... Why would Kelly hate him so much?_ He knew he was known as a bastard; but to have his daughter think of him as that was simply too much. Especially since he was sure he'd never be anything but loving and caring towards her. _  
_

"Get the fuck outta my place!"

"Your place?" Gibbs wanted to cry; in a mere matter of hours, he'd lost his friend, had found his girl, only to see she hated him more than anything in the world and absolutely nothing made sense. And besides, wasn't this _Tony_ 's place?

"Oh, for the love of ...! _Now_ you want your place back?" She threw her hands in the air. "I knew I shouldn't have accepted anything from you."

"My place?"

Hearing that, Kelly frowned. "Have you been using or something?" She raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it kinda _my_ thing?" She chuckled. "Hey, Mark!" She called out and the guy sleeping on the couch stirred.

"Hmm?"

"Guess what! I've found you a new user." She giggled. "Looks like my dear old Daddy's joined the club."

"That so?" Mark stretched his body on the couch and then wiped a trickle of drool from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. "Didn't he lock you up in his basement the last time he found you using? Although, you really _are_ a bad influence; figures you'd change him, too." The stupid annoying guy chuckled with delight. "Bad bad girl." He said mockingly.

Kelly giggled delightfully. "He's just desperate. He's probably on something so I'd let him back into my life."

"Fat chance?" The guy, Mark, asked; clearly referring to Kelly letting her father back in her life.

Kelly snorted. "More like no way in hell." She sneered and looked straight at her father. "Get the hell out of here and never show up. I hate you and no matter what you do, I'll never forgive you."

"Forgive me?"

"Oh, how dare you act confused?" She growled, not caring what she was saying or what she was revealing. "It's _your_ fault my Mom is dead. It's _your_ fault my childhood was ruined; it's _your_ fault I had to be on the run and had no friend growing up and like that wasn't bad enough I had to be stuck with _you_ all those years. It's all your fault because you had to go and murder the guy who'd tried to kill me and Mom and then we had his family on our tails. It's _your_ fault Mom was so depressed and desperate that she had to kill herself to get away from you. It's all your fault and I don't care how many years pass and what you do, I'll _never_ forgive you. There was a reason I ran away from you in the first place and the reason's still there. It's _you_!"

Throughout her rants, the girl had started to push Gibbs towards the door and once she was done, she slammed the door closed in his face. Gibbs was in such a deep state of shock that he wasn't sure he could ever move from that spot again. From his position, he could still hear the voices coming from inside of the apartment.

"I hate your old man; have I ever told you that?"

Gibbs snarled with anger and would kick the door open and go inside to teach that bastard a lesson, had he not heard his girl's voice a second later, saying, "Forget it, babe. He's not worth it."

He felt like he'd been drenched with cold water. What the hell was happening to him? And what did all those things that Kelly had said mean? Shannon had killed herself? And because she'd been depressed? Because he'd killed the man that-... Wait a second; Hernandez _hadn't_ been successful? So why would he-... Seemed like he'd killed the bastard just because he'd _tried_ to kill his family. He had to admit that it did kinda sound like him; he wouldn't let him stay alive and remain a threat to his family. And well, that did make him a murderer, he guessed. If Kelly was right then could he really blame her for being so mad at him?

And what had that guy meant when he'd said he'd locked up Kelly in the basement. He'd never do that. He loved her more than anything in this world. Although, if she was an addict-

That thought made him sick to the stomach.

What the hell was this universe? Whatever it was, he didn't want it. He hated it. This couldn't be right; yes, he'd always wished his girls had survived; but... No, this was a nightmare; there was no way this could become his reality if they hadn't died that day. There was simply no way.

As he started to walk out of the building in hope to find a way to wake up from the nightmare, his head started to hurt and he was hit with images that he was sure he'd never seen before and yet felt like old memories to him; images of him coming back from his tour and finding his girls in a hospital, hurt but _alive_ ; images of him taking them away, saying that he didn't trust the system to protect them; images of him putting Shannon and Kelly in a cabin and going to Mexico and getting rid of Hernandez - _at least that one looked like the actual event from his memory_ -.

Then there were images of Shannon mad at him for becoming a murderer; Shannon pushing him away; Shannon hitting him; Shannon taking pills; Shannon-... Tears came to his eyes when he saw his beloved wife dead in a bathtub filled with water and blood and then he saw Kelly screaming as she saw the body of her mother; Kelly hitting him; Kelly cursing him, changing and becoming bitter and angry little by little after that.

Then there was emptiness; Kelly had run away; she'd been using drugs when he found her; Kelly had piercing and tattoos that looked nothing like the ones Abby had; and then there were multiple images of Kelly looking at him with disdain and disgust. He saw himself dragging Kelly, kicking and screaming, to the basement in hope of bringing her to her senses.

He didn't know how, but, at that moment, he was remembering that he'd thought about taking her to rehab; but once he'd gone to talk to her, she'd hit him in the head with something hard and had run away again.  
He could also remember that after days of looking and searching, he'd found Kelly in an alley, almost dead; he remembered buying her that apartment, _the one he was sure belonged to Tony some minutes ago;_ thinking that that way, she'd at least have a roof over her head even if he couldn't help her in any other way. He gasped! _This was his life?_

It couldn't be. It was worse than any nightmare he could imagine; things couldn't have turned out like this! He'd always been sure that if his girls had survived that ominous day, then his life would be literally perfect! But this? Not only was this anything but perfect, it was even worse than what he'd had back when he was wishing for Shannon and Kelly to be alive. This was worse than anything he could imagine.

The pain was too much and this time his body couldn't take it any longer and so, it finally gave in and he collapsed to the ground.

**.**

**.**

**TBC ...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I'm not one to think that things always happen for a reason; sometimes, maybe, I don't know; but I do know that our doings and other people's actions play huge roles in deciding what happens next. But well, we've always seen and read things when Kelly or Shannon are alive and how perfect everything is; I just thought that there's also a chance that things wouldn't have turned out so perfectly if they'd lived; maybe if things had gone a different way, Gibbs would still not be happy with the outcome and this is the story of that!
> 
> Also, did anyone watch 'Bull'? Wasn't it great? :)


	3. Chapter 3

_It couldn't be. It was worse than any nightmare he could imagine; things couldn't have turned out like this! He'd always been sure that if his girls had survived that ominous day, then his life would be literally perfect! But this? Not only was this anything but perfect, it was even worse than what he had back when he was wishing for Shannon and Kelly to be alive. This was worse than anything he could imagine._

_The pain was too much and this time his body couldn't take it any longer and so, it finally gave in and he collapsed to the ground._

* * *

"Son? Can you hear me?" Someone was talking and it caused Gibbs to stir. He frowned; he wasn't sure if he was the one being addressed, but the man sure sounded familiar.

"Come on; open your eyes."

It was his Dad's voice.

He opened his eyes and blinked with confusion. "Jack?"

Jackson raised an eyebrow. "That's one step down from Dad, but since you just woke up..."

Gibbs frowned and suddenly remembered and tried to sit up, "Tony!"

Jack pushed him down. "Who?"

The event of his nightmare was rushing to his head and he gasped, glad that he'd finally woken up from it. It seemed like he was settled in a hospital room, which explained the weird dream; he must've been under the influence of painkillers. That'd happened before. "What happened?" He asked, trying to find out what had landed him in a hospital this time, giving him another crazy nightmare. Although, admittedly, this one had been way worse than the previous times.

"I'm not sure; somebody called me from the hospital and told me you were found unconscious in the street." Jack sounded concerned. "The scans show nothing, though; so you mustn't worry yourself."

"They called _you_?" He frowned.

"Well, I _am_ your next of kin."

Gibbs was confused again. "No, you're not. DiNozzo is."

"Who's DiNozzo?" Now his father sounded annoyed and a bit hurt. "And why would _he_ be your next of kin when you have a father?"

"You can't be my next of kin when you live in Stillwater, Dad and what do you mean who's-" He suddenly felt cold.

"Stillwater? I don't live in Stillwater anymore." The older man stated worriedly, not noticing how his son had trailed off. "Leroy? Son, are you alright? I haven't lived there in years. Oh dear, they must've missed something in those scans."

"Dad?" Gibbs swallowed dryly. "Is... Umm... Kelly?"

His dad shook his head. "I didn't call her; figured she wouldn't show up anyway."

"She's alive?"

It was his dad's turn to frown. "What do you mean she is alive? Of course she's-" He paused. "Wait a second; you think that bastard who'd tried to kill them all those years ago is coming for her again?"

Gibbs frowned; so, apparently him killing Hernandez wasn't public news; which was strange since Kelly had no problem talking about it in front of total strangers. "What? No... Just-"

"Hang on, Son. I think I need to call a doctor; you don't sound well." He stood up to leave but his son grabbed his arm.

"Dad, wait. Can you call Ducky for me? Or Abby?"

"Who are Ducky and Abby? I haven't heard you mention them before."

"NCIS?"

"NC- What?"

"What do I do for a living?" He asked dreadfully.

His dad studied him worriedly, "Maybe I should just-"

"Dad, please?"

"I don't get it. You're a carpenter. Why?"

"Carp- I... When?"

"When what?"

"When did I become a carpenter?" Gibbs winced slightly, finding it unbelievable and too far-fetched.

"Well, you started right after you decided it was safe to settle down and you chose DC for that. You still work as a consultant for the Marines if that's what you mean."

"I do?" At least that made a bit more sense.

"Yes." The older man replied, looking even more worried that his son seemed surprised at hearing the facts of his own life.

"And you live here?"

"Well, of course; you needed help with that sneaky daughter of yours. Not that my presence helped much; her mother's death hurt her too much."

"Shannon." Jethro murmured the name sadly and bit his lip.

His father was still looking at him strangely; "I know you loved her once and that you didn't want her dead; but you can't really be upset after so many years. You didn't sound much in love with her the last few times we talked before she took her own life."

"What?" Gibbs' eyes bulged wide. That couldn't be possible.

"Come on, now, Son. You don't have to tell me everything for me to know it. You sounded miserable."

"We were on the run!" Gibbs reasoned feebly, because seriously, this wasn't his life, but there's no way he had stopped loving Shannon; no matter what; Shannon was his everything.

"I don't know." The older man sighed, "She sure didn't seem that much in love with you and you've mentioned that you'd fill for a divorce if you weren't on the run."

Divorce? From Shannon? What sick bastard had put him in this Universe and Why? Was this his punishment for being a bastard for so many years?

"Why don't you take some rest, Son? I think Kelly's problems are affecting you more than you realize and this is your body's way to make you slow down." The older man suggested, thinking about mentioning this odd conversation to Leroy's doctor; they must've missed something; why else would his son forget these things or act so strangely?

Gibbs was still lost in his thoughts when his father left the room to talk to his doctor, but as soon as he found himself alone, he disconnected the machine attached to him and quietly left the ER room. He needed answers and he needed them now.

...

As the day went by, Gibbs kept ignoring the ringing of his cellphone as he gathered information any way he could.

First thing he did, after leaving the hospital, was going to the Navy Yard and not surprisingly they didn't let him in without a good reason; he didn't even know someone who worked there to help him out; the security guards didn't know the couple of names he mentioned and he figured if he kept throwing in random names, he'd just make things worse for himself. It was so strange; he'd worked in this very building for years and was sure his name was known by every agent working for the agency, all around the world, and even by some sister agencies and yet, here, he was being looked at like he was crazy and was being kept out of the building.

The next best thing he could do was going to a library. There, he went through old and new newspapers, reports and articles and at that moment, he more than anything, wished he still had Abby to do her magic and find the information he needed with a computer and wished he still had a team to count on; but apparently he didn't have that; so he kept skimming and scanning reports, the old fashioned way, taking in every information he could and at the end, he'd been able to do a simple internet research on the Agency.

The information he found just added to his dread; some of them were confusing, some bad and some were terrible.

He found out that a guy names Jenkins was the Director of NCIS, now and just like the director no one else sounded familiar in the reports he was checking.

Among the bad news he saw a piece of familiar yet impossible news; in year 2004, two members of the agency's MCRT had died in a car blast, which was familiar because it was clearly the one he'd experienced with his team the day Tony had come back from his sick leave after the plague. This time, though, they hadn't had a DiNozzo to save them and two agents, a Rebeca Fisch along with the probationary agent Timothy McGee had died in that blast; their lead agent, Stanly Burley, had resigned after that. So, Stan wasn't with the agency anymore and McGee was apparently dead and damn, he'd died so soon.

There were some terrible news there; like the news of Abby's death; it was something that caused Gibbs' heart clench in his chest and he had to walk around for a few minutes to calm down enough to be able to read more. The article said that the NCIS' Lab Tech., Abigail Sciuto, had been the target of a sniper and had died while working in her lab. Again, it was something that he'd been part of the first time around and clearly Tony had prevented it from happening back then.

He wasn't able to find anything specific on Ducky or Kate or Ziva or even Vance; there were a couple of things about Jenny in some old reports but one was about her father's death and the other about her own death in LA; clearly, she'd become the agency's director here, too and she'd died the same way as in the other reality.

But what mattered more was that the more Gibbs looked, the less he found about Tony.

So, no Ducky, no Abby, no McGee and no anyone else who could help him. There was definitely no Tony and it was the thing that was bothering him the most; because that one, he still felt responsible for.

A thought occurred to him and he changed his sources and decided to go through the reports that went way back; like when Tony had been too young to be a cop or an agent and that's when he found it. The death certificate of one Anthony DiNozzo Jr. and it it dated back to 1991; he'd been pretty much a kid and he'd died in the hospital from internal bleeding and multiple injuries after getting hit by a speeding car when he'd tried to save a young woman and her toddler.

There were more news about his death, because apparently being a DiNozzo mattered a lot in this universe, too and it was mentioned in many of those articles when the funeral of the young man, who was pretty much a hero in their eyes, had only been attended by strangers- _the young woman, whose life Tony had saved with her family and friends_ -, and Tony's few friends; it seemed like an important piece of news that DiNozzo Sr. had only paid for his only son's funeral and hadn't shown up himself; it hadn't sat well with the media that a self-sacrificing young man like DiNozzo Jr. had had no relative or family member attending his funeral.

Gibbs felt sick; the date of the day Tony had died matched that of the day his girls had had that accident and this time they'd survived. That guy, Kab-... Kab- _something_ , had said that Tony'd traded his life for his little girl; and that he'd shaken the universe to make it happen.

So, could it be true? Could this be his new reality? Could the guy be right and his girls had died for a reason in his universe? Like, if they had lived, they'd all be miserable and hate each other? Was it possible that they'd fall apart down the road, had they not died in that crash?

And Gibbs couldn't forget that all the people that Tony'd saved, one way or another, were now apparently dead.

He guessed if that was all true, then the only reason _he_ was alive was because he hadn't become an NCIS agent; because Tony had saved his life, too, more than once, and if he'd gone to NCIS, then now he'd be dead, too.

Swallowing the bile in his throat, he buried face his in his hands and tried to calm his erratic heartbeat.

He didn't want his reality. This couldn't be right, because these things only happened in Tony's movies; if even in them! So, no, he couldn't believe it; his little girl wouldn't become this bitter, hateful stranger who wished him dead every single day; his wife, his beautiful Shannon, wouldn't have killed herself because she was sick and tired of him. And he wouldn't end up like this. No, he refused to accept that _this_ could be his reality. He didn't know why his mind was playing this kind of trick on him, but it was probably guilt and while he couldn't and wouldn't accept this as the outcome of his girls not dying that day, he couldn't deny that the world needed Anthony DiNozzo; that if Tony had been alive, then _'Two Kids Dead in Fire'_ in Baltimore would've been just a 'kid' dead; or rather, it'd be the kid _rescued_ and the news would be focused on his survival, because a man, whose face no one saw or remembered, had pulled him out of that fire, saving his life.

He knew if Tony lived so many other people wouldn't have died; the people whose survival depended on Tony and to think he'd told the younger man nobody cared if he'd died and nothing would differ for anybody! He just knew if Tony was alive, he'd find a way to help him now, too; it was possible that he'd even find a way to help Kelly.

No, he'd never wish for Tony to trade his place with Kelly or Shannon or anyone else; he wished _he_ 'd take their places; heck, he'd wholeheartedly trade his place with Tony now; because the world would, no doubt, be a better place with him in it; a much better place.

"You never learn, do you?"

**.**

**.**

**TBC ...**

**.**


	4. Chapter 4

_No, he'd never wish for Tony to trade his place with Kelly or Shannon or anyone else; he wished he'd take their places; heck, he'd wholeheartedly trade his place with Tony now; because the world would, no doubt, be a better place with him in it; a much better place._

_"You never learn, do you?"_

* * *

Gibbs' head snapped up from the crook of his arm to find Kab- _something_ sitting on the chair opposite him.

"Kabshiel!" The angel growled, as he'd clearly read his mind. "How hard is that to remember?"

"You!"

"Anyway, as I was saying, apparently you never learn!"

"What?"

"Do we have to spell everything out for you mortals?" He rolled his eyes. "I'm talking about you wishing to change your place with someone else! Wishing for the dead to be alive and the living to be dead instead! You obviously won't learn that there's a reason for everything!"

"This isn't real!" Gibbs almost shouted and then looked around to see how the few people in the library had reacted. Nobody seemed to have noticed.

"Don't worry about them; they won't notice. You're in a... Limbo, let's say!"

"Limbo?" His eyes widened; that meant he must be dying or something!

"Not _that_ kind of limbo!" Kabshiel shook his head with frustration. "I just used the word for the lack of a better one in your earthly language."

"My earthly-" Gibbs growled. "Cut the crap. Who the hell are you? What the hell is this?"

"I've answered this question before; that you stubbornly refuse to believe me is not my fault and I can't change it. I'm an angel; and I'm here to teach you a lesson. And before you start, this _is_ real; this is the reality that would've happened, had your girls survived that accident. Of course, since you humans have free will and everything, there sure could have been other possibilities; thousands of them even; but this one was the most probable and considering your personality and the way you make your decisions, I have to say you would've gone down this path, one way or another." The angel explained in a serious, yet bored tone.

"No!" Gibbs was again shaking his head in denial; "My girls would never end up like this. Yes, if DiNozzo died, everything related to him could end up exactly like this; but my girls, my Shannon and Kelly wouldn't take this path."

Kabshiel remained silent.

"This is a nightmare."

"Then maybe I should leave and you can wish you'd wake up every single minute while living the rest of your life like this. Enjoy your life!"

Before he knew what he was doing, Gibbs jumped forward and grabbed the other man's wrist.

Rolling his eyes, the angel said, "didn't I tell you that your clutch is not enough to keep things here? Didn't I also prove it when I took your friend's body away?"

"Tony." Gibbs moaned as he was reminded of the younger man's dead body in his arms. "Where's he?" When he got no answer, his shoulders dropped. "Please!"

"Please? Please what?"

"Take me instead of him? If someone has to-"

"Shut up!" The angel growled angrily. "No wonder we're not allowed to contact you humans. We don't have the patience for this much stupidity! Now I realize the Big Guy is way more patient than we give him credit for!" Taking a few seconds, he finally calmed down. "You think the world would be a better place if _you_ had died instead of your friend? What about the people _you_ saved? Although, I can assure you that with Anthony DiNozzo Jr. dead, some of the people that _you'_ ve saved are dead, too; after all, in this reality you didn't become a cop; you didn't choose a job to save people and catch criminals once you left the Marine. Maybe it's not a bad choice to take you away, too if you still wanna choose to keep your daughter alive and live this reality."

So, this was his only choice? He had to choose between the life and death of his daughter? A sound like a whimper left his throat. "I can't-"

Taking pity on the old man, the angel said, "It's really not your choice if that makes you feel better; your girls must've died that day; it was a tragedy; but there's no way around it. You're not the one choosing her death, really. You're just choosing to accept it or live in a world where she's alive but has been pushed down another tragic road."

"Things wouldn't end like this!" Gibbs denied again. "Kelly wouldn't become so bitter and spiteful."

"Maybe; maybe not!" The angel shrugged. "If Shannon hadn't witnessed that murder; if Hernandez hadn't become a killer; if if if... Then you all would've lived happily ever after." He titled his head. " _Or_ something else could've taken them from you. Or you from them. Or many many other possibilities. But then again, if Hitler hadn't been so ambitious; if Man hadn't built the nuclear bomb; if Adam and Eve hadn't committed the first sin! You see where I'm going with this? You've got free will; yes; but things still happen for a reason and then one thing leads to another; you can't change other people's paths by _your_ wishes; sometimes no matter what you choose, someone else's choice affects you and those who you care about; just as your choices have affected many people. Just as your friend's choice affected many lives and with his death many things changed; he saved that boy in that fire and that boy grew up to save more people and the chain goes on."

"So, there's nothing I can do to have them _and_ my current life?"

"Your _current_ life is this." He said, waving his hand around to show the library and everything else. "I understand you still can't believe it; you think it's just a dream; but it's not. One wish has been granted; the universe has shifted because of it and now this is it."

Gibbs' breath got caught in his throat. No! No! This couldn't be it! It was way worse than what he had before. The anguish reflected on his face. "I can't live like this."

"No. No you can't." Kabshiel nodded sagely. "The way I see it, you'll probably end your life soon; because you feel responsible for Anthony's death; and Shannon's death and Kelly's bitterness and so many other things. And at this point, the world wouldn't change much after your death, because _here_ you aren't the Federal Agent who saves people and catches the bad guys; of course some people would miss you and your demise would affect some, but not as bad as it has with you choosing this world over the other one."

Gibbs stared at him brokenly. He had to wake up from this nightmare; he just had to!

"If this was a nightmare;" He held up a hand to silence Gibbs as he opened his mouth. " _IF_. Because it's not and I'm not joking around; this is now your reality and you have the memories of the past years to prove it; you're just not accepting it yet. Imagine that parallel worlds existed; then if you haven't gone that way and become a Federal Agent, who lost his family in a tragic event; this one, this world, would be the most highlighted one for you and you would've chosen this way, based on your personality. There's a chance Shannon would've forgiven you for your crime and accepted you; then Kelly wouldn't have gone this way, either; but like I said, you've got memories that shows you how things have gone south and how this isn't a mind game or a nightmare; so _if_ this was a nightmare, then would it change anything when you woke up from it?"

Gibbs swallowed and after only a second of hesitation, he nodded his head. "I don't want this." This time, his voice didn't tremble. "I believe in my girls and I refuse to believe this'd be the definite outcome; but I know I don't want this. I can't stand the pain in my girl's eyes and I know the world needs DiNozzo in it. I'll take my old life over this anytime."

"And if you had the chance of experiencing another outcome; another parallel world; one that you still don't know how would turn out, would you want it at the cost of someone else's life?"

Gibbs gulped and closed his eyes. After some seconds, he finally shook his head.

"What's dead should stay dead, Gibbs."

He nodded, his fists clenching and pulling at his hair.

"We're not gonna grant any other wishes like this. We won't change the course of action so big that shifts the universe again."

With that, Gibbs' shoulder dropped and he sighed, feeling utterly broken. _So, this was it? He'd brought down death on Tony by his words and he'd fallen into a frightening reality that apparently was the most probable had he not lost Shan and Kelly that day?_

"You'll be given another chance."

His head snapped up with hope.

"No near impossible wishes will be granted. I say _near_ impossible because _nothing_ is impossible for us; but what would you learn if we interfered all the time? And imagine when everyone's wishes were to come true! It'd create a chaos; no doubt! What would happen when _your_ wishes clashed with someone else's? The world would be an even huger mess! Even God wouldn't be patient enough for that." He chuckled at his own joke. "And besides, that'd mean saying goodbye to free will! So, all I can do now; all I'm _allowed_ to do, is take you back to the other world and not grant Anthony's wish to change his place with your girls. The rest is up to you."

Gibbs sighed with relief but remembering his words, he suddenly grimaced. "I really said those things to him?"

"Oh, you did and it was your choice; something that _you_ gotta fix."

"Damn!"

"Not yet."

Gibbs tried to glare, but the angel - _wait, when had he started to believe that theory, instead of a mind game or a nightmare?-;_ snapped his fingers and then Gibbs found himself standing behind the door of Tony's apartment.

The door was slightly ajar again; so he let himself in and he actually sighed in relief when he saw all of Tony's furniture and stuff there and found the place neat and well-ordered, just the way Tony kept it.

The question now was what would he find if he looked for the younger man or how could he make up for what he'd said?!

**.**

**.**

**TBC ...**

**.**


	5. Chapter 5

_The door was slightly ajar again; so he let himself in and he actually sighed in relief when he saw all of Tony's furniture and stuff there and found the place neat and well-ordered, just the way Tony kept it._

_The question now was what would he find if he looked for the younger man or how could he make up for what he'd said?!_

* * *

The place looked empty again; just like it had when he'd first walked into it that... _How long ago had he been there?_

"Tony?" He called out and walked straight to the bathroom, where he'd last seen his agent and when he opened the door, he once again felt his heart clenched in his chest. Tony was there again; this time alive, if the rising and falling of his chest was anything to go by; because his eyes were closed and his head was leaned back against the wall. But he was there; the man he'd thought was gone forever was once again there and to Gibbs it was the thing that mattered the most.

He was back to square one, though; not knowing how to fix the thing he'd broken with his words; but at that moment he actually loved square one, because it meant Tony was alive and Kelly and Shannon had never hated him and Abby and McGee were alive, too and everyone else was right where they were supposed to be.

He still had his doubts about what he'd seen and experienced, but even if it hadn't been real, it'd been damn scary and he didn't want to experience it again and he had to admit that he'd seen things during those hours that there was no way his subconscious could've made up; believing was the easiest option right now and because of that, he was glad to be back to his old life.

He still didn't have a plan on how to take his words back or how to make the younger man actually believe his life mattered as much the others, if not more; because knowing DiNozzo, it was the internal damage that he always hid that'd be the hardest to fix. Still he needed to do something and decided to let his heart lead him for once. Without knowing what he was doing, he knelt beside his sleeping agent and pulled his head to his own chest.

Tony woke up instantly and tried to push back, but Gibbs only moved a hand to his back and held tighter. "Thank you. Thank you for being alive. Thank you." Despite his usual approach to things, he found himself murmuring those words aloud.

Tony's struggle quieted down for a second and Gibbs knew the younger man must be really confused, trying to figure out what was happening; pulling back only slightly, Gibbs stared him in the eye. "Thanks." He repeated.

"Boss?" Tony sounded uncertain and even a little bit frightened; not that anyone could blame him. Throughout his _whole_ life, Tony'd never been hugged like that; by _anyone;_ and now _Gibbs_ of all people was doing it!

"And don't ever do that? You hear me?" Gibbs sounded almost broken, not really paying attention to how his uncharacteristic words and actions were scaring his agent.

"Do what?" Tony's frown deepened. Taking a look around, he was surprised to find himself in the bathroom and then suddenly the events of the previous night came back to him and he quickly pushed himself away from Gibbs. "God, Boss, you OK?"

Gibbs grabbed Tony's shoulder, not letting him get away. "I am now. But you're not allowed to do that again."

"Do what? Goddammit, Gibbs!" Tony growled; he was really worried now; had Gibbs finally lost it because of his grief? It sure seemed like it; he wasn't making any sense.

"You're not allowed to wish for death; to wish to trade your life for my girls or for anyone else. EVER. Is that clear?"

Tony's eyes widened and he paled.

"I'm sorry, Tony. I'm sorry for the things I said... last night;" He had to pause to remember when he'd said those things to Tony." but I didn't mean them. Your life is worth so much more. And the world is a better place with you in it. Dammit! Do you have any idea how many lives would've been lost if you haven't lived to this stage? Don't ever let me or anyone else make you think you're expendable or less worthy than other people."

Tony was sure Gibbs had lost it now; the man was apologizing repeatedly and he was using so many words to show he cared and... And _he was openly showing he cared_! But what scared him the most was that he didn't know how Gibbs had found out about his wish. Maybe him sleeping in the bathroom after his visit to Gibbs' basement was a clue, but he was sure even Gibbs shouldn't be able to know the exact things that had gone through his head; the wishes and the prayers.

"You listening?" Gibbs' sounded desperate.

Almost without his control, Tony's head moved, but instead of nodding, he was shaking his head.

Gibbs was surprised. "I broke you, didn't I?"

"Gibbs... What? You... I mean, you're not OK!"

"I am." Gibbs smiled slightly. "For the first time in years I actually think I am and..." He paused and held Tony's gaze. "It's thanks to you."

Tony was dumbfounded. He really was sure he was dreaming this; that or Gibbs was dying! "You dying?"

That actually caused Gibbs to burst into laughter; "No; I'm not." Shaking his head, he added, "And neither are you. That clear, DiNozzo? You can't die on me; not in the field and not here wishing for a chance to give your life up for my girls. You're needed and wanted here. Things happen for a reason." He said, repeating Kab-something's words and he was pretty sure he heard an annoyed growl in his head, as he once again failed to remember the angel's full name.

Raising an eyebrow, he waited for the younger man to give an indication that he'd heard him.

"DiNozzo!" He sighed when the younger man just stared at him.

"You're...-" Tony trailed off, unable to verbalize what he was thinking.

"I mean it." Gibbs said slowly. "And..." He paused; this was why he didn't talk much; he kinda sucked at this communicating thing with grownups. When he talked about things other than the job, he either screwed up like the previous night, or he sent the listener into shock because he couldn't bother with preamble. "Just tell me you heard what I said? I know I can't expect you to forgive and forget just like that, but-" He sighed. "You got what I said?"

Finally, after God knew how long, Tony's head tilted to the right and he said. "Uh...OK. Yeah." Tony still couldn't get what was happening, but he knew what the right answer was and he knew he should give it at that moment, until he could process the whole thing later in peace.

The corner of Gibbs' mouth went up. "Thanks."

"Would you stop? I didn't do anything." Now Tony sounded annoyed. "I don't know how you know about that wish, but I'm here and your girls are not."

"And I'm glad for that." Gibbs said firmly and before Tony could die of shock, he added, "Listen to me! I'm thanking you because you've always stood by my side and tolerated my temper no matter what and even after everything, you still put me and my needs ahead of yours; but you shouldn't do that; because you're more important and I mean it."

Tony wanted to point out that something was wrong, because Gibbs was talking way too much, using way too many words; but he couldn't even utter that; because not only was Gibbs talking too much; he kept thanking him and saying that he was important and maybe after the previous night, it'd be expected, but still, this much? Never!

"You think I've gone crazy, huh?" Gibbs chuckled as he leaned against the wall.

Tony nodded his head, knowing that his eyes were conveying the feelings anyway.

"I thought so, too." Gibbs shrugged. "But I don't care. All I know is that things could've gone down terribly wrong, if you'd died young and my girls had lived. So, I'm OK with the status quo."

"Oookay." Tony finally uttered, still sounding unsure. "Uh, thanks." He added after a second, feeling like it'd be inappropriate not to show any gratitude after so many things that the older man had said.

"Don't thank me for stating the truth, DiNozzo." Gibbs sighed. "You believe me, though, right? That I didn't mean those things?"

"I... Of course, Gibbs." Tony shook his head. "I knew you were in pain; I was never mad or upset; I just wish I could do something."

"Well, first of all, you _should_ be mad and upset; but just know that I care and I'm glad you're in my life and that you've saved my life in more than one way. You've saved many lives that would've been lost otherwise. Second, you do help; by just being there and by just being you. So thanks."

Tony smiled finally, a small one, but a warm and real one; it reached his eyes and softened his features and totally warmed Gibbs' heart, too.

"Uh, can we, um, can we take the rest of this conversation to the living room?" Tony looked around uncomfortably.

Gibbs grinned. "Fine with me. I do like your living room with all those furniture and everything."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Seriously, Boss; have you... Sorry for asking this, but have you taken anything other than a huge amount of alcohol?"

"Just a very hard headslap from the Guy above." The older man smirked at his own cryptic answer and enjoyed it when Tony eyed him suspiciously and went to the kitchen to turn on his coffeemaker, muttering things under his breath and shaking his head every few seconds.

Looking around the neat room, once again, Gibbs sighed with relief and then looked up. "Thanks." He mumbled quietly, because he had meant it when he'd told Tony that for the first time in years he actually felt fine and at peace. He'd learned to appreciate what he had and that apparently things happened for a reason. He'd never believe that terrible reality for his girls but he now knew that nightmare or not, he was glad that it was over and he understood that by wishing for the impossible -or well, the _near_ impossible- he was giving up on what he had at the present and would lose it for something he wasn't sure what it was and it just wasn't fair to the others or his girls _or_ him.

And hey, Tony was alive and still muttering incoherently in the kitchen; so yeah, he was fine and grateful for the first time in years.

"Hey, DiNozzo!" He called out as he eased himself into the comfortable couch. "Did you save a young woman and her child from a speeding car, back in 1991?"

The sound of mug falling from Tony's hand, crashing against the hard floor and a shocked ' _what the-... How-?!_ ' were all the answers he needed!

**.**

**.**

**The End...**

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